Entry 3
and the whole mess of roads we're now on."
Jack of all trades...and master of none.
That’s me, hits the nail one the head, a hole in one for who I am. I don’t know how or why, but I don’t think I’ve ever found much that I could be truly passionate about. I’m interested in tons of things, but none of them seems to grab a hold of me and take my breath away.
Jack of all trades.
...where we’d stepped...
...the whole mess of roads we’re now on
People always told me that I was lucky because I was smart, and that is the most guaranteed way to be successful in life. Intelligence. But while I may be smart, I doubt I’ll ever be the smartest in anything. I don’t have that kind of focus. I’m more of the random interesting facts kind of guy, like the fact that all the golden hamsters you will ever see are descended from a single family of them found in Syria in the 1930s. Among other things.
Master of none.
I enjoy learning and know a bit of math, science, history, English, religion, government, sports, and so much more. But I’m no specialist. I know enough to sound smart. The only thing I find more depressing about this than realizing that I only know enough to sound smart to the unknowing is realizing that people don’t really care how smart you are but how smart you seem to be.
Some people think I’m fortunate to be smart, what I really want is to be passionate about something. I’ve yet to find that thing that I could spend my entire life doing and never care about what I was missing. Instead I’m involved in at least ten organizations with leadership positions in half of them. I’m figuring out what to do with conflicting schedules every night. I find some enjoyment in all of them—that is why I get involved in them, but...
On rocks I dreamt...
I’m not even really sure what it is I’m looking for. Ever think that there must be something out there that’s just perfectly you, but you have no clue what it is or how you’re supposed to find out? That’s about where I’m at.
Normally I don’t worry or care about this. I just keep moving along with all the stuff I’m doing. But every now and again I’ll be out late at night and find myself alone or ignored for a short time. Then I slip into this mode of thought where I start to wonder what the hell I’m doing, and how what I’m doing relates to where I want to go in life. Usually the two are sparsely related. I examine my life, become thoroughly depressed, then make a point of forgetting about it by the time I wake up.
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