Basement Chronicles

A nausea, Josh or Dahl?

"Someday you will find me..."

Its been uncomfortably quiet in the car these last couple of days. Where there was once the cheery glow of an LCD, there's only a gaping black hole reappearing with every streetlight. Now every rattle, shake, and hum that I could ignore with the help of Radiohead and the Gypsy Kings becomes deafening and worrisome as I meander about.

And with nothing to distract me, and nothing better to do but shift, my mind wanders. I start flipping through whatever seems to come along. My day's frustration, my night's homework. Yesterday, last week, last month. I remember that I haven't fixed the spelling mistake on the user details page. I remember that I've remembered this every day since I found it, but then I forget about it once I get home and boot up the laptop.

I signal, a car comes from freakin' nowhere, I swerve back into my lane as the lady gives me an evil look.

Flip to me parking too close to somebody in the parking lot and them having to tweak my mirror to get into their car. Twice now I've gotten out of the car and forgotten to fix it. Why didn't they put it back when they moved it? Must not have noticed.

Flip back to my Bronco at home, sitting unused in the corner of our lot. It probably won't start, as it is in those awkward 6 months out of the year where it doesn't like to idle. But you'd have to hit the mirrors pretty damned hard to make them budge.

And back to me in the Dolt. I miss my home. I miss my car. I can't reach over and fix the mirror, so instead of seeing the scowling lady merging at 90mph I see my shoulder reflected back at me.

Switch to a few hours later, laying in bed. Probably way too late, but I can't see the clock. I started laying upside down no for apparent reason, with my head towards the door. Now when I wake up I'm completely disoriented considering I've slept with the same orientation to a wall since I was littler.

Cut to morning at the dog park. Its pretty cool, a fenced off area where you can let your dog run free and play with other dogs. Dog socialization at the bark park, its pretty great. Two kids approach me with pamphlets, one about 16, one about 10.

Older: "Excuse me sir, can we speak with you a minute?"
Josh: "Sure."
Older: "Um, if you died today, are you 100% sure that you would go to heaven?"
Josh: "No, not entirely sure."
Older: "Um, the wages of sin are death, and we're all sinners. Are you a sinner?"
Younger: "Yup, I'm a sinner, you're a sinner, we're all sinners."
Josh: "Uh, I assume so."
Older: "Um, well, Jesus died for our sins, so if you haven't accepted Jesus into your heart, you're going to hell."

Flip back to now on the couch watching the ASU vs Standford game. 36-35, with a touchdown at 0:09 to make it a 1 point game. The older kid was reading directly from his pamphlet, a nice pamphlet, a nice numbered list, bold, underlined, italicized, Times New Roman, classic Word 2003 indent formatting. But no mention of hell, which means that despite being nervous as can be, stuttering, sweating, and using his list as a crutch, he could still look me in the eye and tell me I was going to hell for my disbelief.

Some other time in the car. The kid had nothing against me, he was just doing something he'd been asked. Assigned. Mandated. He had the right intentions, just not the social skills to get his point across. Wow, this is a really pretty parking lot. It almost makes the $1.50 ATM fee worth it. Almost. I wait so I don't panic the person coming towards me. I turn in after him, but just to see somebody pulling a U-turn around the traffic stopped at the light so they don't have to wait for the turn lane. His brakes bark on the asphalt. I'm sure he gave U-turners an evil scowl.

Flip to last week, head down, near-unconscious in physics class. I'm sitting in a new seat, next to some girl who I've never seen before who drove in on a scooter. You know, like of the ones you see old people in stores use. Her ankle is bandaged, from injury or surgery I assume. Her boyfriend wedges himself in between her and I. I must have looked threatening while I was sleeping. Fifteen minutes to go, and I haven't learned a damn thing. Wait, that's a lie. I learned that there's a unit of measure called a Henry. Yeah, I know, and I chuckle while my forehead sticks to the singular song quote I jotted down before class so I'd feel good about not learning. I've got a pretty extensive collection of near-blank pages but for the quote on them, but less now that I don't have songs stuck in my head anymore due to the rather quiet ride to school.

I close my notebook to see if the cover is any more comfortable than the inside. Its not, but its cold for the next few seconds, so I enjoy the effort.

I startle awake at 10 minutes to go to the disorienting red death of my Physics notebook. Aptly chosen amongst blue, black and green. I can't fall asleep, can't let my mind wander. The boyfriend gives me an uneasy look. I wonder what anime character he based his hair off of. I force myself back onto my notebook and remember the red seats in my Bronco. They smell like damp dog and melted crayon.

Flip back to the Dolt as I down-shift into fourth gear in order to avoid panicking the people behind me with brake lights. A crack in the seat pinches my arm. Wake up.

Flip back to the living room. Something flickers in the reflection on the window pane across the room. Damn, a moth.

Its only after the 90-mph scowling lady has cut somebody off about a quarter mile up that I start to think about life. What am I doing? Where am I going? What am I missing? In a much more all-encompassing context than should ever be considered while driving a manual transmission.

I just now threw away the pamphlet. I was tempted to put it into the toilet when I was using it but I figured it wouldn't flush very well.

If I was to die today, am I 100% sure that I'll go to heaven?

Am I 100% sure of anything?

Hell no. I can't even figure out what time frame I'm writing in, much less how to go about living my life. The kid at the park called me 'Sir'. I can blame the goatee for now, but pretty soon I gotta start acting the part.

Then I start wondering how many people have their stereos stolen or turned off. As yet another person speeds by I hear their bass and am convinced that I'm in the market for a new car.

Thinking like this is probably dangerous while driving.

I need a vacation.