break;
"It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along"
This last week was sort of an experiment. Not the kind with data tables, abstracts, and standards of deviation. No...just hell no. This is the kind of experiment you take on in order to actually figure something out. The kind with a question and hopefully an answer.
The question?
I asked, What would happen if I took a break from my usual life for a week?
Its silly, I know. The question in itself is a logical fallacy. But I still wanted to know. So I sat down and thought about it, or rather, what I'd have to change to live "unusually".
On an average day, I spend about 6-8 hours on the computer. I don't get out of the house much, mostly due to this. I've been getting C's and D's on my school work due to disinterest and procrastination. I'd been stealing Zac's deodorant for a week because I was too lazy to go down to the store. I hid the last toothpaste tube away from everybody so that I could avoid the same trip. My towel hadn't been washed for two weeks. It smelt of burnt rubber.
Yeah. It was time. Besides, the toothpaste was running out.
So how do you begin to make a change to a routine you've had since...since...4 years? 5 years ago? In answering that question, I found that I couldn't remember the last time I'd said my final good night for the day through my computer. Through instant messaging of some sort. Looking further, I found that I have somewhere near 10MB of chat logs built up from just the last year and a half. Then it struck.
Instant messaging taught me how to type, back when I used to play Hearts on MPlayer with a few folks I knew from New Jersey. It kept me up late through most of highschool. It caused and got me through a depression, of sorts. I'll deny it, but it was probably the inspiration for the creation of idkfa in one way or another.
And when I thought about it, that's what kept me plinking away for hours every day. When you think about it, its really a great thing. The ability to be as wordy and thoughtful as you want, with anyone who happens to be on at the same time. Friends, no matter how near or far, just a double-click away. A shiny new form of communication, wrought from the very bowels of internet culture.
So of course, I decided to give it up.
[00:00] kaiden11: maybe one day i'll just uninstall altogether
[00:00] kaiden11: msn, aim, gaim, trillian, the whole lot
[00:00] kaiden11: save email, i'll be basically unreachable
However, I'm missing one important element.
[00:05] kaiden11: the problem is gonna be idkfa though
[00:06] kaiden11: should i stay away from idkfa as well?
Thinking on it further, I came to think conclusion...
[00:06] kaiden11: how about this:
[00:07] kaiden11: no messenging clients, at home or otherwise
[00:07] kaiden11: no idkfa, unless administrative action is required
I never specified the time. I did this because if I did, I would have spent this entire week biding my time, and not improving upon the situation. Quirky, I know. I also didn't specify that I couldn't use the computer. That would be disastrous, considering all the valid uses I have for it, and all of the assignments I have that depend on my use of it. I am a computer science major after all.
At this point, I can understand that some people might think that I'm going off the deep end. That I'm "disconnecting" from the world around me. Treating a symptom instead of the problem. I too feared that. But please, keep reading.
What if I discovered that my life was suddenly better without a computer? What if the career I've been dedicating my time to isn't really what I want? Is this going to be like that Seinfeld episode where George goes without sex for a week and becomes a super-genius?
Hehe, that's right. I went there.
Still, the implications I find important.
So, henceforth, therien lies the account of my week long experiment without instant messaging or idkfa.
Session Close (Console): Wed Oct 13 00:35:19 2004
At the end of every day I wrote down in my little left handed notebook all the stuff I'd done that I probably wouldn't have done had I been otherwise occupied. My scribblings are as follows...
Day One, Wednesday
----------------
The one day I should have had a break I didn't because my godforsaken physics lab didn't cancel for the presidential debates. Tired, embittered, antisocial, and feeling the itch to get back on the computer. I could barely talk, scarcely walk, couldn't eat, and kept finding an excuse to check idkfa.
- Did ALL laundry
- Rearranged computer desk
- Learned Modular Exponentiation, Euclidean Algorithm, and the Chinese Remainder Theorem
- Oil Changed on the Dolt
- Cleaned my room
- Watched presidential debate
- Read a chapter in my book
- Fought the Arizona DMV
- Wrote rambling criticisms/suggestions for Say Hi To Joe Day website
Day Two, Thursday
----------------
Thursdays are my easier days. Wake up, take a low-key quiz in Discrete, skip CSE210, and come home. But this wasn't exactly meant to be, considering I desperately needed to catch up on a lot of work. Finally hungry, I ate, and ate, and then worked my ass off.
- Watched King of the Hill
- Worked 2 hours on Assembly/Microprocessing lab
- Finished 3 hours worth of Assembly/Microprocessing homework
- Near aced my Discrete quiz, making the Chinese Remainder Theorem my bitch
- Wrote 3 emails
- Created idkfa "tills" script
- Found and hooked up a gamepad to the computer. Emulation gaming ensued.
Day Three, Friday
----------------
Ah, Friday. An eventful day, but I still found that I couldn't get myself out of the house come the end of it.
- 2 hours on the same Assembly lab
- BEST BUY: Zim, Sum 41, Milk, Deodorant, and Vanilla Toothpaste
- Talked to friends for record time
- Discovered I'd been sleeping on a clothes hanger for an unknown amount of time
- Skipped frisbee
Day Four, Saturday
----------------
Saturday, my day to goof off, and enjoy doing nothing at all. Got through with good progess in Final Fantasy: Tactics and a terribly sore frisbee arm.
- 3 levels on FF:Tactics
- 2 hours tossing the frisbee around with Nick at the park
- 3 hours reading Assembly/Physics/ASU vs. USC game
- 2 showers
Day Five, Sunday
----------------
Sunday. When I realize that I really do have stuff I'm supposed to be doing on the weekend.
- Attended baby shower...unshowered
- Watched Yankees vs. Red Sox
- Watched Astros vs. ?
- Was used in family feud for computer skills
- Watched "Abandon" (neat movie)
- Actually did physics homework on a day NOT before it was due
- 1 level in tactics
Day Six, Monday
----------------
Mondy was a long, long day. Even if I did only get up at 9:30, I couldn't remember it by the time night crept around.
- 3 hours on the same Assembly lab
- Pre-read Discrete
- Pre-read physics lab
- Watched Red Sox vs. Yankees
- Laundry, again
- Email to Mother
- 1 level in Tactics
- Skipped frisbee
Day Seven, Tuesday
----------------
Utter hell. But I still managed to squeeze in some Mexican food for dinner.
- 4 hours on the same Assembly lab
- 1 hour doing Assembly lab write-up
- 1 hour doing Physics lab write-up
- 1 hour finishing up Physics homework
If you are an industrious person you might be reading this and think "Wow, I do all that anyways." Well, take a look again, and then subtract a good 6-8 hours. Most of the stuff on the weekdays would simply not get done. 12 hours spent on my Assembly/Microprocessing lab? Damn, I'd still be working on it right now. Physics homework? Late, and effectively a zero, since my professor doesn't accept late work. Physics lab? I'd be hoping for either an extension, or to have that lab dropped.
So, by dropping some of my computer time I got more things done, especially on my first day when I was feeling all jittery and ambitious. But look at what I replaced it with: games. Before when I was using messaging services I just didn't find time to play games. So when I don't distract myself with messaging, I instead started playing FF:Tactics. Given a long enough timeline, would I just play games as much as I did with messaging? I'm not sure, but I certainly hope not.
Also, make note that even if I found myself having more time on my hands to get things done that were important, I still couldn't force myself to get out and play frisbee at school. Twice I could have gone, even if by myself, but I guess watching the third DVD of Invader Zim episodes just seemed more appealing. An isolated incident? Well, next frisbee practice is on Friday, and two Zim episodes are left for me to watch. Which will win? Only time will tell. Not to mention I need a haircut something fierce.
So I guess this is the end of my experiment. Every report I've written forces you to make a conclusion about your results, whether they're conclusive or not. I sit here listening to Sum 41, downloading pictures from my camera and enjoying the perfect simplicity of notepad. A good way to reflect on past events. What have I learned? Were your results as you expected? What are your sources of error?
I learned that habit is a powerful force. My first day I was terribly pleased with myself having accomplished so much without my precious computer time. But as the days went along, I found myself facing the same problems I'd been facing before with boredom and lack of work ethic. When I found myself with a spare moment, I found myself booting up my computer instead of going outside, playing with the puppy, or getting ahead on my studies. I think if I were to ever completely break such a habit, I'd have to have something drastic happen, and not just uninstalling Trillian for a week.
Throughout the week I kept thinking of Fight Club, where the narrator never really understood what he wanted from life. The story ends without an answer, with buildings crashing down and Marla standing by him watching in horror. Despite what had come and what was to come, he knew that even if he didn't have what he originally wanted, what he had right then and there was better than anything. His "near life experience".
It was hard to keep from giving it up in the middle of my week, especially during the weekends where I really had to push and pull myself away from getting on the computer too much. You'll notice that I watched a ridiculous amount of sports during this period. Granted, some of these were decent games that I didn't mind watching, but I think in a way that they were a way for me to keep my mind off of the computer. I kept my little Fight Club image in mind, that what I had right then and there was better than where I'd been, plinking away endlessly into the late hours of the night.
And some people say Fight Club is a depressing movie.
I think going into it I knew what was going to happen. Change is a slow process, especially when what's changing is you, and what you are works for you. Sometimes. Sorta. And the beautiful thing about the human psyche is that we're adaptive, reactive, and yet still married to what we know and love. I knew that I couldn't stay away from the computer entirely, and with that I might be just nullifying my efforts. But something tells me I had to try. My routine was different for a while, but how long could I keep it up? How long till I finally gave in to my old habits?
Or maybe a better question. What if I had to give up my usual life entirely? What if I had that "drastic change", that "near life experience", that pilot light sending my IKEA furniture hurtling 30 stories through the midnight air? Would I be able to adapt?
I think so. Just knowing that I couldn't use a part of the computer for a week gave me time to write this at a time where I'd usually be burning the midnight oil and cursing myself for doing nothing at all on the weekend. Instead of turning in my reports for partial credit, I now have 6 pages of Assembly programming signed by the TA and waiting to be turned in tomorrow morning. Instead of trying to slip a half-done lab to my irate Physics TA, I can proudly shove it in his spindly little hands with glee.
As we speak, I'm reinstalling Trillian and replacing my log files. It'll be nice to get back with people and maybe answer a few question on WWJD?. Or maybe I'll actually explain how to use the linking tags. Hmm, the possibilities are endless.
Or maybe I'll just appear offline and go watch Invader Zim?
Endless indeed...
Oh, and as a bonus tip: vanilla toothpaste is the best thing to ever hit dental care.
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