Basement Chronicles

Pillar of Autumn

"while trying to find out
my meaning isn't planned out
come to the conclusion
might as well be an illusion
while trying to find out
i did nothing, but shut out"

So I walked into my room today and found the lights off and the shade drawn. Flipping the switch just showed a room full of clothes and various electronics stuffed chaotically into suitcases.

I really wish I hadn't turned on the light.Running around the house, eating cheesecake and watching Resevoir Dogs kinda let me forget that today was my last day, so suddenly finding my room in that state was kind of a slap in the face, and no less cinematic.

Luckily, this year isn't near as bad as the last as far as leaving goes. I've had a great summer with my friends, family, and extended family, and I'm not sure if I could really say that I missed out on anything I wish I'd done. Granted, stupid mistakes were made, people miffed, and perhaps reconciled, but I think it all turned out dandy. At least I think so. Maybe? Yeah, of course.

Paula, before I left, told me to enjoy this summer as much as I can, and while I still can. She told me that sooner than I expect people will be leaving for good, moving on to other things, other places, other jobs, other people, and that after watching my exploits throughout the year she said that I needed very badly to take advantage of the life I have, as I have it, right here and now, or at least, the here and now of the beginning of this summer.

When she came up in the middle of the summer, in the midst of my various frisbee games, movies, and other things they saw me doing with friends, she was finally happy to see that I was back in my element, and most importantly, happy again. I was laughing, smiling, and I guess just doing better than when I was going through the drudgery of school.

Now that I'm going back tomorrow afternoon, I have to wonder how returning to my "element" will help me in the hard months to come. I have another ridiculous class load ahead of me, with probably harder courses and more ridiculous professors (things can only get worse with physics). Am I going to laugh when I remember getting smacked in the eye with a frisbee when I'm in the middle of a weekend's worth of homework? Will I want to look at the pictures of my climb to Flattop when I'm in the middle of a programming assignment?

I certainly hope so. I also hope that I don't spend another year like I spent most of the last. I want the time I spent this summer to be how I spend my semesters. I'm already planning trips, concerts, maybe getting a replacement for the Dolt, which should all prove fun one way or another. Wish me luck.

The wind is blowing outside and I keep seeing random dead leaves hit my window. Time to continue my perpetual summer.